Songs To Remember - My Mother's Journey With Dementia And Music • Alice Bulmer Music Teacher

This post was originally published on my writer’s blog www.alicebulmer.com in 2016. My mother, Sue Bulmer, passed away in October 2016.

How can music improve the lives of people with dementia?

Every couple of weeks I drive to Auckland to make music with my mother, Sue. It’s fun and joyful for both of us.

Sue has dementia. It’s been gradually progressing for more than five years, affecting her ability to speak, remember, recognize people, and manage everyday tasks.

For someone as fiercely independent and intellectual as my mother, losing control of her mind must have been terrifying. Dementia carries so much fear, shame and stigma.

Sue has lived at Shelly Beach Lodge, a small dementia unit in central Auckland, for three years now. It’s a cheerful place with kind caregivers. From her room she can see Rangitoto. But the doors and gates are securely locked to keep residents from wandering off.

Visiting someone with dementia can be hard. You might sit and hold their hand while they cry, or try to make conversation with someone who can’t respond. Sometimes you find yourself scrolling your phone while they stare blankly into space.

So when I discovered how much Sue enjoyed making music together, it was a revelation.

Waiting for a train: Sue in 1998 with four of her five grandchildren.

No cure for dementia

Modern medicine can’t cure dementia. It can sometimes slow the onset with medication, but the underlying causes are still poorly understood.

The UK charity Lost Chord describes dementia as an umbrella term for a range of symptoms related to memory loss and cognitive decline. Alzheimer’s disease is one type of dementia—but it’s often used as a catch-all label.

Sue doesn’t have Alzheimer’s, according to her specialist medical diagnosis. My brother David, who’s a family doctor, believes her dementia likely began with a small stroke in her brain.

Sue coped for quite a long time without talking about it to me or anyone else.

Actually, she has never for one minute admitted to my brothers and I (or anyone else I know) that there is anything wrong with her. This is an attitude that has served her well throughout her life. Sue is a colourful character who has lived a full and active life. In the 1950s, before I was born, she was the first archaeologist to do research in the New Guinea highlands. Here’s a link to my article about Sue: Farewell, Sue

Above: Sue running a dig in New Guinea in 1959. I don’t know the names of the young men in the photo, who were her field assistants.

Sue was also a musician – a guitarist and folk singer, just ahead of Bob Dylan. When I was six she taught me to play ukulele. Half a century later this is paying off big-time, for both of us.

Music and dementia

In recent years, music has gained recognition as a powerful therapy for dementia. Research shows that making music is one of the most effective ways to support cognitive and emotional well-being for people with dementia—especially as drug treatments remain limited.

The 2014 documentary Alive Inside offers moving stories of how music brings people back to life. One standout moment is Henry, a withdrawn man who lights up when he hears favourite songs on an iPod.

American researcher Linda Maguire, co-author of a groundbreaking study, found that regular group singing significantly improves cognitive function in people with severe dementia. She writes:

“Musical aptitude and appreciation are two of the last remaining abilities in Alzheimer’s disease.”

It’s incredibly rewarding to make music with dementia patients.

When I sing with Sue and the other residents, we’re all in it together. Everyone has fun—including the staff. It’s the closest we get to a level playing field.

Often my stepmother Lena, a retired nurse and longtime friend of Sue’s, joins in. Her support and energy have been incredibly helpful to me. Another old friend of Sue’s, Lois Webster, also was loving and supportive.

Sue (centre) with old friends Lois Webster, at left, and Lena Bulmer, at right.

Waking up the brain

One of the most remarkable things I see is how music wakes people up. When we start a session, many residents are slumped in their chairs, half-asleep. But as we sing, they come to life—smiling, tapping feet, singing along.

Even those with advanced dementia often remember every word of beloved old songs. That sense of competency is precious in a world where so much else has been lost.

The best songs for dementia patients are songs they can remember from their earlier life.

My mother still remembers “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” and “You Are My Sunshine.” Others love “Que Sera Sera” and “What a Wonderful World.” Songs from a person’s late teens and early twenties often make the deepest impression.

Some residents, like a former singing teacher, can recall complex Beatles songs and sing them with gusto. Everyone enjoys the “na-na-na’s” in “Hey Jude.”

Sue and I at Shelly Beach Lodge with my niece Eva, Sue’s eldest grandchild. Eva’s dad, my brother David, often turned up with his ukulele but I don’t have a photo of him there.

Singing improves cognition

The recent US study co-authored by Linda Maguire and Jane Flinn found that group singing improves the cognitive abilities of moderate to severe dementia sufferers. The research compared two groups – one who sang popular songs, and one group who just listened to the music. The difference was substantial.

Linda Maguire wrote: “These data show that participating in an active singing program for an extended period of time can improve cognition in patients with moderate to severe dementia.”

The power of singing

That US study by Maguire and Flinn found that singing—not just listening—brings the most cognitive benefits. Participants who sang regularly scored significantly higher than those who just listened.

Singing also brings up emotions. Sometimes my mother cries during songs. At first, I was upset. Now I know it’s part of the process. Sadness, grief, even anger can rise up—and pass. The next song usually brings a shift.

As the Alzheimer’s Foundation of America says:

“When used appropriately, music can shift mood, manage stress-induced agitation, stimulate positive interactions, facilitate cognitive function, and coordinate motor movements.”

And then there’s the fun

Let’s not forget joy. Singing together is fun—not just for dementia patients, but for everyone. It helps people feel connected and uplifted.

The UK Alzheimer’s Society notes:

“The sessions help people with dementia communicate, improving their mood and leaving them feeling good about themselves.”

Sharing the music

Spending time with someone who has dementia can be painful and isolating. But music creates a bridge—a shared experience that brings connection and delight.

From the heartbreak of Sue’s dementia has come this unexpected blessing: music we can share. And I treasure it.

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Songs To Remember – My Mother’s Journey With Dementia And Music