The Joy of Singing: How To Find Your Own Singing Voice

If you love to sing, but aren’t singing regularly, you’re not alone. And if you long to sing, but just think you can’t  – this is for you too.

Singing is one of the great routes to joy. And singing songs that you love? Even better.

For me, singing has always been the most fun, the most joyful thing I can imagine.

But for years, fear kept me from opening my mouth.

I finally found a way to overcome fear of singing. Now I sing every day. And I know you can too.

In this post I’ll cover why singing is so beneficial, and some of the reasons why people don’t sing. And I’ll show you how to start connecting to your own singing voice.

Why singing is great

Singing is one of life’s pleasures. Freeing your breath and making a joyful sound is a powerful form of creative expression. Singing connects us to something deeper than words. Some linguists believe that humans began singing before we had language.

Singing is empowering. It’s a way of expressing who you are, shifting emotions and connecting with yourself.

It’s also a great workout for your lungs and for the rest of your body. The vibrations and breathwork can have a profound impact on your energy. Singing is healing in a big-picture, holistic way, and sometimes more specifically than that.

For more about the healing aspects of voice work, see my post about Music and Healing.

On a spiritual level, many people experience a deep sense of connection when singing.

Why people don’t sing

There are many reasons people stop singing, or don’t start. Here are a few:

• Lack of experience or opportunity
• Self-doubt or fear of judgement
• Perfectionism

Singing can feel vulnerable.

Our voice reveals who we truly are. This is pretty scary!

But sometimes people become “good” singers technically, without ever truly expressing themselves. This is especially true for women, who are expected to conform to specific vocal standards.

Everyone can sing

I’ve heard people say, “I just can’t sing.” But many voice experts say all humans are born with the ability to sing. It’s an innate capacity – like a program on your laptop that’s waiting to be activated.

Acclaimed English voice teacher Patsy Rodenburg writes in The Right to Speak: Working With the Voice that we all have this ability, though many of us are discouraged from using it as children.

Critics inside and out

I’ve been terrified of singing, too. Judgement is everywhere – both external and internal. It’s similar to the body shaming many of us experience.

So many folks have been told they can’t sing. Maybe you’ve been put at the back of the choir or told to “shut up” by teachers or family members.

Failed auditions, nerves that make you screw up on stage – these experiences are more common than we think.

But it’s quite possible to start singing as an adult.

My singing story

For many years, I was one of those who didn’t sing. I had the desire, and I had plenty of musical training, but fear held me back. Singing felt like a lost part of myself.

Music training often separates singing from other instruments. In many bands, there’s just one singer. Plenty of highly skilled musicians don’t open their mouths. Most classically trained musicians are not encouraged to sing.

Loud music, amplification and performance pressures increased my anxieties around singing. My voice would tighten and my nervous system would shut me down.

Friends who were great singers (I could hear the difference) told me to use my diaphragm, but it wasn’t that simple. There were deeper blocks.

Singing my own songs

At 40 I hadn’t sung regularly for years, and I was frustrated.

I got hold of a copy of The Artist’s Way, by Julia Cameron. It’s a wonderful resource for finding your way back to creativity.

After following Julia’s program diligently for a few weeks, I woke up one morning with a song! An original song. Lyrics, melody, chords. It just showed up.

That’s not usually how songs are written, but it does sometimes happen that way. For more about the magic and craft of songwriting, see my blog post Songcatching.

I can still remember the feeling of delight and excitement. I thought: “yay, I’m going to do more of this!”

But, guess what. Crickets. I tried and tried, but I just couldn’t do it. The problem (I finally realised) was that my blocked voice got even more blocked when faced with singing my own songs.

Reclaiming my voice

I tried another approach. I signed up for a “discover your voice” weekend workshop. It was terrifying and exhilarating to sing freely for the first time in years.

But after the workshop I ended up at the dentist, with fillings that had fallen out – my jaw had been so tense!

Despite that setback, I kept going. I went to more workshops, bought books on healing my voice. I even trained to lead singing groups.

But when I auditioned for a community gospel choir my nerves took over yet again, and I wasn’t chosen. It was humbling.

Even in a supportive singing group, my voice remained blocked. I could sing in tune, but my sound didn’t resonate. I was frustrated—other singers seemed to effortlessly express themselves, while I struggled to find my own voice.

Healing through the ukulele

My breakthrough came through teaching ukulele. Actually it wasn’t a breakthrough, but I started making progress at last. The challenge of making YouTube videos and leading group classes forced me to confront my fears. With help from Somatic Experiencing therapy and other healing modalities, I learned to make peace with my nervous system. I started to feel comfortable singing.

It took about six months before I could finally stand in front of a room and sing without fear.

How to reclaim your voice

Here’s what I’ve learned along the way:

Sing on your own

Get used to hearing your voice. There’s no way round this. Sing on your own, at home, without pressure.

Sing regularly

Incorporate singing into your daily routine. I sing for 15 minutes a day, and my voice continues to open up. Here’s what works for me: I have a regular time for singing practice, after my daily meditation.

Without regular practice, your voice will get rusty.

Voice teacher Patsy Rodenburg says our bodies develop habitual physical patterns that may hinder our voices, including restricted breathing.

If you happen to be a ukulele player, here’s a link to my blog post on how to sing and play at the same time. It’s a great way to practice singing.

Sing in groups

Group singing is fun and motivating. It gives you a chance to practice and build confidence. Start with a group that doesn’t require auditions.

Also, many singing groups and choirs don’t expect singers to be able to read music. Ask about this when you’re looking for a group to join.

Work with a healer

If past trauma is blocking your voice, consider working with a somatic healer, or a therapist in another reputable trauma modality. Choose someone with a gentle, incremental approach. Avoid anyone promising “breakthroughs”.

But, (based on my experience) no matter how gentle it is, you can expect that the healing process may bring up some uncomfortable stuff to be processed, with the support of the therapist.

How to sing in tune

You can absolutely learn to sing in tune as an adult, even if you didn’t sing as a child. It’s all about practice and awareness.

Using an electronic tuner or tuning app can help you improve your pitch. I know of singers who thought they were tone deaf, and trained themselves to hear different pitches using an electronic tuner. With time and patience, your sense of intonation will improve.

A call to action

Do you long to sing, but you find yourself holding back? I hope this post has inspired you to start singing.

If you’re struggling to find your own singing voice, consider working with a guide who understands your challenges.

If you think I could help, let’s connect. Send me an email alice “at” alicebulmer.com, and we can schedule a free Discovery Call to see if we’re a good fit to work together.